The belief that parents shouldn’t fight in front of their children is a conditional myth. I agree, arguing in a harsh manner before your kids may lead to some serious emotional damage. Especially, kids at a very early age and teens are easily affected due to the odd heated parental discussions. Kids feel frightened when seeing the grown-ups fighting and it ends in anxiety, disturbed sleep, frequent illness and the higher level of the stress hormone called cortisol. It compromises not only your kid’s physical behavior but also their mental behavior.
Fighting before your child should always be considered to be the least option but arguing and fighting with respect and in a mature way can absolutely happen before your kid. Fighting the right way would be a great learning curve for your kid. Hashing out differences calmly and in low volume not only helps you to express your feelings but also teaches your kids some valuable lessons about talking through things. They tend to understand the concept of finding resolution by negotiating. They also get to know that two lovable people can have argument and discussion and get back to normal routine. It builds their self-confidence on expressing their difference of opinions, talking and sorting out things.
Not all arguments need to be bad and it can give a better solution than you expected. When it happens, reiterate about that to your kids, this particular issue went well due to the discussion you had. According to psychologists, kids who have been brought up in a family who deals problems with conflict resolution method tends to develop a higher self-esteem. Thay also has a better social skill and very fewer relationship problems. They easily understand family is all about compromising and supporting each other and the difference of opinion doesn’t change the love.
These simple tips can really help you to fight in a right way.
- Do not hold your feelings for too long which might blast in a very uncertain situation.
- If you and your partner have some difference of opinion always have “The talk”. It doesn’t need to be a fight, it can be an initial talk. When you feel the talk is off the track and it can turn into a disaster just change the topic and move on. Later on make sure your kid is not around and sort the issue.
- Most importantly discuss topics involving monthly budgets, moving to new place, new job etc.. This allows your kid to be aware of your family happenings and they know what to expect for in the future.
- If you plan to discuss some serious topic then doing it in a separate room is the best option. And make sure your kids cannot overhear you. If you a have a little bit of doubt about that, have the discussion at the school hours.
- When the discussion is getting more heated avoid using demeaning words, never call out names, do not blame each other, do not threaten to leave, don’t cry and importantly never handle an argument with violence.
Make it right if it really happens:
- Unfortunately, if a situation is out of your hand and you yelled at your partner before your kid then it’s time to apologize to your kid. Reconciliation is the only way you can make the circumstance better and make sure you both partners talk to your kid separately and apologize to your kid.
- Make sure you apologize with an explanation in the way your kid can understand why the argument happened in first place. For instance: I am sorry honey, I overreacted and it was my fault to react that way or I am sorry baby, we were discussing the new job that dad is considering to take and we had some difference of opinion.
- After something worst happens it is very vital to turn back to your routines because these kids are very natural on finding the odds on both of your behavior. Never think of pretending it as your child can smell that too. It’s better to show your kids that apart from arguments their mommy and daddy always loves each other. Tell your partner “I love you” before your kids.
- Never fight before your kids if the issue is about “Sex”. It is the worst thing a parent could do for a kid and it is absolutely out of your kid’s boundary.
- If you have any concerns or complaints about your kid that you need to discuss with your partner, don’t do it in front of them. Normally when kids witness a parental fight they tend to think the fighting is due to them. Kids blindly believe in their parent’s perfection and any flaw has occurred they think it is their fault.
- If violence and domestic abuse are no surprise activity in your home, then surely you need a professional help. Contact some Psychologists service or schedule a counseling with a qualified practitioner.
Following this way, your family would never get hurt on handling conflicts. How do you and your partner deal the situations when you both are upset? Share your thoughts and suggestions with me in the comments below.