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Parenting

Why Rewarding Your Kids Is A Bad Idea?

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We were a kid once and being a parent we all know this happens in our home.We have all been treated this way and it continues on our child.But have you ever thought of what’s the perfect way to reward your kid? Rewarding your kid doesn’t  help them, it’s just a temporary solution. I know many parents think rewarding is kind of a motivational factor used for reinforcement,even I believed in that until I got this serious insight about rewarding the kids.

What actually happens when your kids are appreciated and receives a materialistic reward like a toy, trinket or even money. Your kids are forced to do things without any understanding.Obviously, kids love toys so however, they like or not they gonna obey us for receiving it.This continuous process could prevent your children developing  a sense of “doing the right thing”.Kids tend to choose the work based on the enjoyment and not the actual outcome of the job.

This article is all about how and when to use rewards for your kids effectively.Whether or not to offer rewards is a personal decision. Here are some tips to help your family to do it in a safer way.

Points to consider before introducing the reward system:

Be flexible on setting goals for your kid:

Kids are rewarded when a certain work or goal has been achieved,so before setting some goal for your kid,analyze the feasibility ;Is the task is beneficial for your kid? Is the task is age appropriate?And it is still a worthy task do not wrestle with them to do it instead teach the values of that job and show them you are there to help if it goes wrong.

Observe the underlying Issue :

Suddenly if your kid shows strong resistance on doing some work like going to school,then it’s time to observe and look into it and find whether there is an underlying issue like bullying or any other prob.

When reward system can be applied

You cannot provide gifts or toys for each and everyday activities.First of all, rewards have to be a particular motivation factor which has to be used in a certain way.

Introducing New Habits:

The reward system works well for kids on introducing some new habits like potty training , being punctual etc..Once it is been achieved and your kid is ready to do that task easily then gradually you should stop the rewards for that particular task.Because that’s when they will learn the real outcome of that task.Instead, if it is been continuously appreciated by materialistic rewards your child never gonna learn the value of that and it creates a temporary obedience which may vanish gradually.

Teach your Kid about Gratitude:

Initial steps to teach your child about feeling gratitude is a great step for parenting which can be easily achieved by the reward system.You can appreciate your kid when they help an old lady to lift some things,asking sorry when they hurt someone accidentally, stuff like that.This encourages them a lot and as I said stop the rewarding gradually when they are ready to understand the value of gratitude.

How rewards can be applied:

Focus on non-materialistic rewards:

I have seen parents getting toys, candies, ice cream even money as an appreciation. The habit of rewarding your kids with materialistic rewards can be done very rarely but never encourage your kid by rewarding money then one day they gonna expect money from you for every task they complete.Even some parents give money for their kid’s grades which is very bad.Your child gonna ask”I got the A grade, Now where is my money?” Instead take them to a nearby park, a yearly trip to some picnic spot of their choice also works well. If you are a gifts kind of  parent, then teach your kid to save the favorite list of toys/ gifts for a special occasion like his/her birthday or Christmas whatever.This may even develop your child’s sense of patience.

Younger kids need fairly immediate rewards and they cannot understand on working for a goal on a long term. Hug them a lot and show you love them unconditionally whatever the situation may  be.Praising your kids and all the positive words about them always works,even for a grown person.

Use Stickers & Charts:

Younger kids love to be appreciated, so using a chart with their achievement mentioned reminds their victory which can be the best reinforcement technique for motivation.Even you can make it more special by putting some star shaped stickers or wording stickers like “great job”,”awesome work” which are available in dollar stores.Kids consider this as a trophy.Never mention any disappointing words or any failed goals in that chart which may discourage your kid’s attitude and make him feel inferior.

Goals has to be Specific:

Too many goals cannot be achieved as a kid.If you are trying to teach your kid to clean up the toys or getting to school on time it won’t work together.Concentrate on any single task which is very easy for your kid to focus and attain it .

Help your kids on attaining the goal:

This is very important where many parents fail to do so.Helping is not doing their job by us.It is teaching the strategy on how to complete their task.If you are trying to teach your kid getting to the school on time,then plan a strategy like after finishing the homework he/ she can pack the bag for the next day and can leave it near the door which will minimize the morning rush.Instead, many parents pack their kids bag in the night or it is being packed in the morning with a complete rush and confusion.Either way, you are setting an example for being late or not prepared.

Now you have known how and when the reward system can be applied but still, many parents are confused on what bad does it do to my child on practicing the reward system.So I gonna clarify those doubts too.

Impact On Kids:

Reward system gradually corrupts your kid and at one point he/she gonna do the task you say not on understanding the values because of the enjoyment that the reward gonna give.To make it clearer your kid is gonna achieve the goal only for receiving that appreciation and not for their good own.They won’t even consider if it is beneficial or not.The sense of “Doing the Right Thing” is just gonna vanish from your kid which make your child with no integrity or altruism.This might create a great impact  and you were the ones made your kids future questionable.

Impact On Parents :

Once you are constantly pushing your kid to do something and bribe them with a reward,soon some kids gonna feel whats a great deal about this reward and why I should complete the task? This creates a nagging behavior on you(parents).Unknowingly you start to hurt your kids by pushing hard to complete the task which is strictly not allowed in a healthy parenting.

 

Dear Parents! its time to wake up and realize, raising our kid as a good human being can be achieved only by making them understand the values and not by just getting things to them.And kids are smart enough to understand what is happening around,so once they know you are bribing them for doing the task they not gonna like it and never gonna be a better person every parent wants their child to be.

suja

Proud Momma & a Lifestyle blogger. I blog to keep myself sane,more or less writing about geeky parenting adventures, DIY Craft tutorials & scrumptious recipes that empowers every mom to stay inspired and living an elegant life in a creative way.

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